Fatherless becomes Fathered



Orphans have always held a special place in my heart. My heart breaks anytime I hear a story of a child being abandoned or left at someone else’s doorstep for whatever reason. I continually burst into tears during worship when the “no orphan anymore” part comes up of All He Says I Am by Cody Carnes (highly recommend checking this song out if you haven’t heard it before).

Not only do I weep for them because of how heartbreaking their situation is, but I also believe I have that soft spot in my heart because I can (semi) relate.

Before I begin, I would like to first point out that I am nowhere near saying my story is as traumatizing or broken as someone who was actually orphaned, but have instead experienced a small glimpse of what children all over the world are suffering. 

When I was not yet two, my parents began their divorce process. My mother and my step-dad met not too long after, dated off and on for awhile, and finally decided they couldn’t stay away from each other and got married (hopefully someday I’ll be able to share their whole story with you because it really is quite beautiful). Obviously I was too young to remember any of this, but the trauma and emotions a child experiences from his or her parents’ divorce still came, just not till later. Although I was only “fatherless” for a very short amount of time, when I learned more and more details about the story when I was a teen, I felt so ashamed. Not of my parents but of myself. I felt guilty, that it was my fault. I felt disgusting, unloved and unwanted. My father would have rathered spend time with his friends at the bowling alley than with his own daughter. He couldn’t keep a job to provide for his family, and even after the divorce the job situation never got better. Child support rarely came because he didn’t have a job to enable him to send the checks. I remember when I was 14, sitting down and thinking why.

Why didn’t he want me? 

Did he not love me? 

What if I hadn’t been born. Would him and my mom still be together? 

He made little effort until I was about three or four, and then disappeared completely after that. He never called on holidays. Never wished me a merry Christmas or even a happy birthday. Not even a card sent in the mail. 

I have two memories of my father- speaking on the phone to him when I was three, and watching him sign over his rights when I was 13. 

I had several friends growing up that had divorced parents, and they would always talk about visiting their real mom or dad and their new spouses and how they got extra presents for Christmas or how their new mom was so cool, and all I could ever think was “I don’t even know where my real dad is.”

At one point, some family members had found me on MySpace (way back in the day, am I right?) and said how much they missed me and how they’d wanted to be in my life the whole time but they didn’t know how to contact me. After catching up with them for a little bit, it became clear that my father hadn’t even told his family he had signed over his rights to me. They had no idea. He never even mentioned me to his family after I was gone. 

I was heartbroken. I couldn’t wrap my mind around why my father didn’t want to speak to me, or even about me. I wasn’t in any sense an orphan, but I felt like one.

I felt rejected. 

That’s where my step dad, and the point of this post, comes into play. 

The minute my step dad and my mom started dating, he took me in as his own and loved me like I had been his since the beginning. He chased ducks with me, he watched The Lion King with me 12 times in a row when I had chicken pox and we even made up our own words to the opening song. He took me to the doctor when I was sick, changed my diapers, bandaged my wounds (after telling me to rub some dirt on it first, of course), braided my hair and painted my toes. Branded me with my own nickname and started me on coffee early. He did all the things that a daddy should do and more. He taught me how to respect and how to be respectable. He taught me how a man should treat a lady, not only with his words but by his actions towards my mom. He taught me how to be myself, however weird I may be, and that weird was actually better. He crowned me for homecoming, taught me how to drive, and obviously taught me how to throw a sucker punch and spit off the front porch, both while mom was at work, because they were to be our little secrets. 

We openly spoke about my real dad and never once did he say a negative thing about him. When I found more missing puzzle pieces to the story, he’d be there to love on me and remind me that he was there. 

He continues to be not just a father but a daddy to me. He gives me advice, whether I want to listen to it or not, talks to me about Jesus, and teaches me so many life lessons that most people have to learn the hard way, and always provides a laugh or two…or seven. I have never considered my step dad as a step dad. He has always been daddy to me. The only time the term ‘step dad’ is used is when I’m telling this story to avoid confusion. 

Let me also state that I in no way have hateful feelings towards my biological father. I love him and I pray for him. I still have no idea where he is or who he’s with, but I hope nothing but good things for him. He will always be my father. 

But my daddy- he is the reason I weep for orphans. He is why I weep during worship.

Scripture says that God will father the fatherless. He did that for me spiritually and literally.

Yesterday marked 8 years since the adoption process was finalized and my step dad legally became my daddy. The fatherless had been fathered. The lyrics “no orphan anymore” became true for me, and all the feelings of being unwanted have diminished.

Ephesians 1:5 states that “Because of His love He had already decided to aopt us through Jesus Christ. He freely chose to do this.” 

When I felt rejected and disgusting my earthly daddy was here to love me and remind me that he chose to be in my life. My Heavenly Daddy reminded me that He made me beautiful and fearfully and wonderfully and that He chose me to be His. 

God has freely and willingly adopted us into His family. He longs to adopt more of His children. 

God continually pursues us and when we finally reach out to Him, He takes us in as His own because we belong to Him. Just as I have belonged to daddy since the first day he met me. Just as my daddy chose me, so God chooses us. 

The Bible states countless times that God has a huge heart for orphans and wants to make sure they are taken care of. He will father the fatherless. It may not be literally like He did for me, but it will always be spiritually. God wants to be our Father, our Abba, our Daddy. He wants us to know that He is here when we fall down and scrape our knee, when we are heartbroken because of some stupid 8th grade boy, when we need advice or just need to be loved. 

Everytime I hear a story of an orphan, my heart breaks for them because I want them to have a daddy just like mine. And they can through Jesus Christ. And so can anyone else. 

We are children of the One True King and that makes us no longer orphans. 

God loves orphans. He rescues them, He defends them, and doesn’t abandon them. He fights for them, and He fights for you. 

Like I said before, I know my story is nowhere near the story of children living in orphanages or foster homes. But the same God that fathered me will father them. 

Adoption is a wonderful and beautiful thing. Whether you are simply a step parent adopting your stepchild as your own, or adopting a child out of foster care or from another country, know you are making a difference. Providing a family for children that have not known what a family is like, loving on children that have not known the warmth of a mothers hug or seen the proud smile of a father. If you in any way have been considering adoption, let me encourage you in your decision to do so. There are several organizations that even let you sponsor a child living in another country by sending money to purchase food, clothing and school supplies for that specific child, which is another wonderful way to spread the love of Christ. Support adoption charities. Mission trips to orphanages. There are so many options. 

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. -‭James‬ ‭1‬:‭27‬





Here’s to my eighth year of legally being a Benham.  I love you, daddy. ❤